Ugandans abroad should marry fellow ‘Kyeyo’ instead of going home to look for partners


Dear Ugandans,
You wonder why many Ugandans still come home to try their luck with ”Ms” or ”Mr” right? You also wonder why Ugandan men and women abroad are hard?

You should know that the divorce rate among immigrants in the West is now at par and in some cases higher than the divorce rate among the locally born. And this applies to all immigrants irrespective of region of origin or religion.

Why is this the case and this goes to you question? Expectations. People have it upside down about life in the West. Take it from me that it is tough and can be hell for immigrants.

Furthermore, immigrants not just Ugandans do not adjust well to the liberal nature of the West, which is strong on women equality. Again, most immigrants not just Ugandans are still traditional and want to command women to obey them as if they were still living in Kampala, Nairobi or Abuja.

Since the laws favour women in general, most women simply can take the abuse? Why take abuse when in most cases the women are the bread winners because the system treats them favourably over men. Mark you even in household where the women is the bread winner/working steadily some men still expect the women to come home, tired, and cook for the man who spent his entire days drinking beer or watching porno movies on TV? Which women in the West can take that kajanja when they know that the law is on their side?

It is also the motherhood thing as employers treat women-as mother God bless them-sympathetically? Why? Because they are responsible. Men simply do not know how to hand the role reversal well. Actually men are depressed. Studies shows that immigrants are among the fastest growing group among mental illness patients. Why? Poor social capital and yes, racism.

Another problem and this again goes to some people’s observation that Ugandan men come home to look for that Ms or mister right. Big mistake most of the times? Why? Expectations? Those from Kyeyo misrepresent their true situation most of the time so when they person finally arrives in the West and finds a different set up, it is trouble.

But here is another reason and I have had two good friends who came back home to look for ms right and threw big weddings. Their problem is that they went for higher standards in terms of class. Class matters mark you. I asked my friends about their backgrounds, specifically what their parents did back home? And they told me their parents were peasants but they were courting daughters of elite men. One went for the daughter of a lawyer while another went for a doctor’s daughter. My buddies were well educated men.

They won over the women even after I had cautioned them that they were making a mistake to go above their class-I know people will attack me for saying this but it matters. To cut the long story short, the young women they had married and brought over left them in less than a year. Why? The women cited socialization that even though my buddies were well read men and gainfully employed, their socialization was still different. So those UAH folks still looking for Ms or Mr right but especially Ms right do not ignore class or to put in bluntly “mwana wani” simply because you have been on kyeyo abroad. Wrong. Do not punch above your class.

But the biggest problem is the hybridity-modernity/west vs tradition. This has been the killer especially for conservative immigrant men who ironically still espouse the public private sphere idealogy.

And UAH moderator, Mr Abbey Semuwemba, is right that it is better to go for similar minded kyeyo who know the true picture and understand -I hope-the misery in the West.

But you folks in Uganda will soon grapple with this problem if not already. I noticed when I visit that the women have the good jobs with NGOs while the men are grassing. And my friends in the NGO sector complained that there are no marriageable men anymore in Uganda, lol. What they really mean is that there are no men of their class. Bingo.

Now the good, your folks in Uganda who are employed in decent jobs have it both ways. Your quality of life is certainly way better than for most of the folks in the Diaspora. Hard to believe but true so value your jobs and stay in Uganda. But be faithful, okay.

Have you noticed another trend? Ugandans (most immigrants actually) now take their children born in the West to study in Uganda or their motherland. Why? Because and sadly, children of immigrants are not generally doing well in school and could need up less educated than their parents. Smart parents are taking them back where schools can still discipline them.

W.B.KYIJOMANYI

DP ELDER IN USA

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Comments

11 Comments so far. Leave a comment below.
  1. Miss Cheri,

    Lol. I’m going to find Mr Right at home too…so maybe u’re right. Or wrong. Still tryna decide.
    Ey, don’t be hating on us women.

    WBK? Is this Kizza Besigye’s blog?

    WBK=Warren Besigye Kizza.

  2. iam a widow and need a man to marry me

  3. some one to marry me am a widow

  4. Miss Cherie. This is not a Besigye website. It is for all Ugandans. Please click on ‘about UAH BLOG’ to know what we are about.

  5. Allan,

    paulinemine, how old are you, am 36. email me on; musajasanyu@yahoo.com

  6. jojo,

    I think this is not true, perhaps the writer was denied a visa to the west andvthat is why he is so negative to people in the diaspora.

  7. i like white woman to marry

  8. This is a place for good inspiration, your blog is really interesting..thanks for that post it was really really amazing… :)

  9. Lawrence,

    I find this to be moderate but dont really think the last paragraph is true!! The main reason why we bring our kids back home for schooling is bse we cant afford to take care of them and work at the same time! Suprisingly our kids really do better than the kids in the West but we just cant parent them and work at the same time! Some times we also need them to have some ciltural touch, after all they can always come back to the West whenever they want to! ( they are automatic citizens :) !) One very vital isue is that ladies think when we marry them and bring them over here, they wont work and money is picked from trees? Nada!!!!! We pay bills and we both have to work and very hard indeed!! Thats one reality that drives the new partner mad on discovery!

  10. Julio K,

    I got here from facebook but after reading, it sounds to me like the author is venting or frustrated (the comment about being denied a visa may be correct–sour graping). There is little substance in this rant. Please make your blog resourceful by using established facts not urban legends and faulty generalizations.

  11. Kollin,

    Wow! Thank you very much for the blog. Its the reality…
    Our Cultures in Uganda are compatible irrespective of the tribes but its hard to catch up with foreign cultures. Looking at a future with our families, we needa proper understanding with each other. As for me, I have chosen to look for a fellow Ugandan on kyeeyo… My address is kolynz@aol.com. any potential kyeeyo ugandan lady, i am available home.

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